She says to ask yourself, "What will you differently this time and how can you make sure you will create the correct conditions for the relationship to thrive?" Approach the conversation with your ex with honesty, openness and vulnerability, but Melamed also warns, "Be prepared for whatever their response might be. Melamed offers this advice to prepare for the conversation. A key to this conversation with them will be respect, and you should respect their feelings if they are not open to dating again. When you reach out to your ex, make sure to be aware that they might not be open to starting something up again with you. Of course your relationship with this person ended for a reason and very likely mistakes were made. Have you done the necessary work on yourself to show up for yourself, the other person, and this relationship?" Melamed suggests that before you do this, "Dig deep and figure out your motivations for ending the relationship in the first place. Now, if you were the one to initiate the breakup in the first place but you find yourself thinking of your ex as the "one that got away," it might seem tricky to approach your ex and ask for another chance. She adds, "If you or they have come to a place where better care and attention can be paid to the relationship, it might be worth a shot." So if one of you wasn't ready to "settle down" or one of you needed get over a past relationship or do some personal work, reuniting might be a good idea. While getting back together with an ex isn't uncommon, I spoke to Shula Melamed, relationship and wellness coach, about this and she said it's worth giving the relationship another shot "if you can't get over your ex and the reasons for the breakup had to do with circumstances or personal development that had to be embarked on for either partner." If you still have feelings for your ex, it might be hard to determine whether you're just frustrated with your current dating options and experiences or if you really, truly are meant to be with your ex. Time and distance can give you perspective on a relationship that you didn't have when you were in the thick of it. Relationships can be tricky and love can be complicated, so if you find yourself single and looking back, wondering if perhaps your ex was the love of your life, please don't beat yourself up about it. While there's something tragically appealing about being the "one that got away," there's nothing appealing about being the one who let the one get away.
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